Pep band
tuba: Hey, bcb!
me: What?
tuba: Want some Nerds?
*pause*
me: Are you calling me a nerd?
sousa: OHHH!
tuba: Nononono! I just thought you... might... want some... Nerds?
*I turn my back on him all fake-huffy-like*
*pause*
tuba: Bcb?
me: What?
tuba: Please turn around.
*I turn around*
me: What?!
tuba: Do you want some Sweettarts instead?
me: What's that supposed to mean?
tuba: Uh... it means you're sweet, and, uh, well, the, uh, last part doesn't, uh, mean anything...
*awkward silence*
sousa: Is he hitting on you, bcb?
me: So, [tuba], where were you last night, since you didn't come to pep band?
tuba: I was at a party.
*I do an exaggerated yawn*
tuba: No, no, it was fun! Like, it was at [kid]'s house, and there was this little four-year-old boy there wearing a Batman costume, and he was so cute! I took him trick-or-treating.
*awkward silence*
me: Did you just say that a little boy was cute?
tuba: Yeah!
sousa: That's creepy.
tuba: Uh-uh! What's creepy is going to stranger's houses to get candy.
me: Didn't you do that with him?
*silence*
me: That makes what you did last night perverted and illegal.
tuba: Nuh-uh! It wasn't... illegal.
me: Look, [tuba]! See those cute little boys on the football field?
tuba: Yeah?
sousa: They're running away now.
me: Booking it.
tuba: They're fast.
me: I don't think I've ever seen little boys run that fast.
sousa: [Tuba], do you know them, by any chance?
Okay, so the sousa came up with the Awkward Hood. Whenever you say or do something awkward, you have to put up your hood.
junior: You look kind of like a chipmunk, bcb.
sousa: Awkward hood!
Okay, so we decided in some weird way that based on the current score and certain prime numbers, we could win the game. It all depended on what number seats we were sitting on.
me: I'm sitting on 7!
clarinet: I'm on 6!
me: Uh-oh. What's [sousa] sitting on?
clarinet: Does it matter?
me: Think about it.
*pause*
clarinet: Are you saying that the whole game depends on [sousa]'s buttocks?
*pause*
me: Awkward hood. Put it on. And don't take it off.
sousa: I heard my name.
me: You don't want to know.
sousa: Uh-oh. [clarinet]'s wearing the awkward hood. What'd she say about me?
me: It's reallllly awkward.
clarinet: Not really.
me: Yes, it is. Don't repeat it. You'll regret.
sousa: I wanna know!
*he covers my ears*
clarinet: Well, it had to do with winning the game... and your rear end...
*he uncovers my ears and covers his own*
me: You made it more awkward!!!
sousa: I want to learn how to play clarinet.
me: It's so easy. If I can do, anyone can.
*pause*
sousa: I can't.
me: I just heard you play a bunch of C's!
sousa: On my seventh try!
*silence*
*sousa reaches over and puts up my hood*
sousa: What's this button?
me: It's not a button, it's a hole. It's actually the f hole.
*sousa puts up my hood*
me: Aw, come on! It's not that awkward!
clarinet: What'd she say?
sousa: That this is the f hole.
clarinet: That makes me feel awkward.
*puts up her hood*
The sousa is sitting between me and clarinet.
tenor: Bcb! Did you hear?
clarinet: Don't tell her! Don't tell her!
me: What?
sousa: This could get awkward.
tenor: [clarinet]'s getting a wood clarinet next month.
*dead silence*
me: WHAT?!
*sousa puts up his hood*
On the bus
me: My mom asked me how I like playing bari for pep band, like if it's a pain to carry the case. I told her no, and that if I really wanted to, I might be able to just whine and get someone else to do it for me, and she was like, what about that one freshman?
sousa: [tuba]?
me: Yep.
sousa: He'd probably drop it and break it.
me: Again.
sousa: Again. Or steal it.
me: Gosh, [tuba]. Why would you do that? You sicken me.
tuba: What'd I do?
sousa: Gosh, [tuba].
tuba: WHAT DID YOU TELL HER???
me: I cannot believe you right now.
tuba:
DANG YOU, [SOUSA], WHAT DID YOU TELL HER?*sousa says something I can't hear*
tuba: Don't call her crazy!
*silence*
me: Did you call me crazy, [sousa]?
sousa: I don't know what he's talking about.
tuba: He called you crazy.
sousa: Stop lying to her!
tuba: You lied!
sousa: You did!
*goes on*
Building on that... at the game
*sousa and tuba are talking*
sousa: We figured it our, bcb.
me: This better be good.
sousa: It is. You see--
tuba: It was all a misunderstanding.
me: Uh-huh.
sousa: Okay, so I went like
this--
*scratches his head*
sousa: --and [tuba] thought I was going like
this--
*does the whole spinning his finger in circles by his head thing*
sousa: --so he thought that I was saying you were crazy, but I wasn't. So neither of us was lying. It was all a big misunderstanding!
me: Uh-huh.
tuba: We failed.
*I turn my back on them to get my music out for the next song*
sousa: Ahh, bcb! Grr! I wouldn't lie to you! If I ever lie to you, I will throw myself under a bus.
*me and the saxes turn around*
tenor: What?
sousa: I said I would throw myself under a bus for you, bcb.
Now do you trust me?
*silence*
sousa: Did you not hear the bus-throwing-under statement? I said that I would
throw myself under a bus for you!tenor: Well.
me: That's, uh... dedication all right.
More later.