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Post by bariclaribob on Oct 10, 2008 18:14:05 GMT -5
Band lesson
bd: Play those two lines. *I play* bd: ... good. But... well, you're gonna hate me for this... me: What? bd: You're seriously going to hate me for this. me: What?! bd: Your chin position is all wrong. You've been playing the clarinet wrong for 7 years. *my jaw drops* bd: You need to play with a flat chin. *he makes me practice that way; I get it after a few minutes* bd: You got it that time! How does it sound? me (grudgingly): Better. bd: A-HAH! HAHAHAHA! I am so glad you said that! HAH!
In the band room for study hall
*I'm getting ready to play clarinet* *tuba and sousa burst into the practice room* me: Aww, guys, now I can't play! Having people listen makes me so self-conscious! *they stare at me obnoxiously* me: Plus, [bd] just told me I've been playing wrong for seven years. I need to flatten my chin. *both mock-gasp* *I play a few notes* sousa: This time, flatten your chin. tuba: Yeah, I'm pretty sure you didn't have a flat chin that time. sousa: Try again. tuba: Whenever you're ready. *I play a note* *bd walks in* sousa: Bcb's working on her flat chin. bd: Oh, don't worry about it. It'll only take a month to fix. *he leaves, and so do the guys* *every 2 minutes* *one of them pokes his head in front of the practice glass and points at his chin* *walking back to class* sousa: Don't worry about your chin, bcb. tuba: Yeah, it'll only take over a month to fix! me: Go away.
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Post by tubagirl on Oct 11, 2008 0:07:26 GMT -5
Aww, BCB I'm sorry. XD I'm a sousa.... We're not all that mean, just so you know
So [trp] came to school on Tuesday wearing blue leggings, a black skirt and a shirt that said 'Pants.' and our BD goes 'Yeah, that's exactly what you're NOT wearing'
[Trp] is a guy, btw
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Post by Greenepony on Oct 11, 2008 10:24:12 GMT -5
At Flute Dinner: Flute1: I don't know what an emu looks like. Flute2: Well, It's like a velociraptor ... with feathers!
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Post by bariclaribob on Oct 11, 2008 10:56:33 GMT -5
Aww, BCB I'm sorry. XD I'm a sousa.... We're not all that mean, just so you know So [trp] came to school on Tuesday wearing blue leggings, a black skirt and a shirt that said 'Pants.' and our BD goes 'Yeah, that's exactly what you're NOT wearing' [Trp] is a guy, btw It's okay. They're my little freshmen buddies
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Post by redhead on Oct 11, 2008 11:32:06 GMT -5
For our upcoming concert at the local high school (every fall, the local high school has the two feeder middle schools come and perform, along with the concert band, jazz band, and drumline from the high school), we are playing one song combined with the high school concert band, and the other middle school. So on Wednesday the high school BD came to my school to show how he will conduct the song. We were expecting him to give us half a measure introduction, but he started right into the song. We're all confused, so he cuts off. Since the clarinets have the melody in the begining of the song, he says "Clarinets, a little louder." Then, he tries again, I'm the only one in the 50-person band that plays.
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Clariиәrd ♫
Band Nerd
Mmmmm....clarinet tastiness. :)
Posts: 156
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Post by Clariиәrd ♫ on Oct 11, 2008 22:41:45 GMT -5
I have a months worth of orchestra quotes from the director I've been collecting!! Muah hah ha ha!!!
"If your arm falls off, I'll pay for the surgery to reattatch it."
"Now, unless you want the violins to bring their machine guns next week..."
"I am a genius, but there are some things I'm not really clear on."
"Write: DON'T PLAY DUMMY!!"
"I do serve a purpose. I'm not here to look like an idiot and entertain you." ^(talking about what conductors really do)
"EEOWW!!!!!!!"
"NOOOO!!!!"
"...Can you imagine if we only played one out of three notes right??" ^(talking about professional baseball players having batting averages of .3 and how if you were to come into a professional orchestra rehearsal the first day and play only 1/3 of the notes right, you'd be out of there....plus, the baseball players get payed a heck of lot more than the musicians)
"Letter D, as in DRAMATIC.... Letter D, as in DUMB.... (orch didn't come in right) Letter D, as in DUMB CONDUCTOR...." (director messed something up)
"It's supposed to be humorous. It's NOT supposed to be painful! Right now, it's painful!!" ^(picc solo) =)
"Letter C, as in CUTE.......cute C! ha. ha. ha..."
There's another that I don't remember right now, but it's written on my music which is upstairs in my room, and I am wayyyy to lazy right now to go fetch it.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Oct 12, 2008 2:19:01 GMT -5
About a move by a band at Zia: BD: You always save the best for last, so I wonder what the best will be Me: If we save the best for last, why is the dance at the end? BD: Shut up, Oscar.
Most of my bus quotes are raunchier than raunchy. Like, seriously. If you want them, PM.
Waiting for judge's okay to start award assembly Announcer guy (who had been totally straight): Oh, the suspense...
UNM band chick selling programs: Buy programs! Blah blah blah! Blah blah blah blah! (she said that) I'm going to sit here and be really annoying until you buy a program! Support New Mexico music!
MHS's full name is one letter off of my band's full name. (if anyone on here was at Zia, it should be obvious where I was from).
Announcer: Taking the caption for general effect, is MHS! Band: *cheers* Me and tenor sax: *facepalm*
Band manager: I think student teacher was at your door last night, Oscar ST: Yeah, and I promise you, I wasn't sleep walking
BD (at a band meeting in the hostel courtyard): I call this meeting to *loud noise from upstairs* Oh, dear. Student teacher, go check it out. (ST comes back later) ST: Whoever's in that room, the ceiling just caved in. BD: Good thing I called the meeting.
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Post by Lprdgecko on Oct 12, 2008 11:43:39 GMT -5
Standing around before the competition yesterday, our BD's 4-year-old son was playing with our Asst. BD and running between his legs and stuff.
BD's son: *Starts running through Asst. BD's legs* Asst. BD: *closes legs and traps him halfway through.* People standing around: Mr [Asst. BD], You're giving birth to a child!!! Asst. BD: You guys are weird...
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Oct 12, 2008 13:58:29 GMT -5
^OMG. That's really nasty.
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jman
Newbie
I'd rather be baritone
Posts: 33
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Post by jman on Oct 12, 2008 17:31:45 GMT -5
-talking about my new plastic mouthpieces for tpt, bari and tuba- Lead trumpet/sousa/baritone: That'll wreck your sound. -trys it- I have to get one! ^they all said the same thing, lol. -still^, but later- Flute: Oh my god, its yellow! Me: Its plastic. Flute: How does that work? -even later- BD: Jman, what is that? ABD: Thats not regulation. BD:-holds it up- Really, what?- shudders and gives it back to me- My bright yellow mouthpieces were a big deal on friday, apparently.
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Post by iFrostyflute on Oct 12, 2008 21:27:51 GMT -5
[So there's this random column in our school newspaper that tells us random people's fears.] S Tenor Sax: I'm afraid of Silent Emotionless BD.
S Flute: [puts her head joint and foot joint together (no body) and plays Mary Had A Little Lamb] Silent Emotionless BD: You should be on America's Most Talented.
Silent Emotionless BD: Diagonals, yo!
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Post by eige2010 on Oct 13, 2008 0:32:35 GMT -5
*my band director talking about how long he's been directing and how excited he was about our competition* BD: I'm fifty now and i...*band cuts him off by cheering and clapping* BD *glaring*: I'm not fifty TODAY!
*guard complaining about how the wind (which was so strong a tuba fell over) was messing with our flags and making work difficult and all that on the sidelines by our band shadows who apparently got annoyed with us complaining* Shadow 1: Oh be quiet already! the wind is not THAT bad! Me: really now? why don't you get out here and do it then! i'm gonna laugh when you guys end up having to spin flags for some reason for the show this year, Shadow 2: yeah right, like that's gonna happen *the next day* BD: shadows who don't march fourth movement, come with me to the band hall. we're teaching you a flag routine! me: ha! *the day after that, there was a slight breeze, barely noticeable* Shadow 1: there's so much wind! shadow 2: why can't the wind just go away! its causing so many problems! Me: see, now you know why we were complaining...
this one needs a bit of a back story...at our competition on saturday we ended up showing up an hour early before we had to start warming up so we were all just sitting around in the shade talking. then one of my friends introduced us to the movie connection game which is where you try to connect two actors together through movies and costars. well, my friend and i connected one that we are extremely proud of and we were explaining it to one person while we were waiting to go inside. L: hey hey, K! do you wanna know who we just connected? its amazing! K: sure.... Me: we connected Nelly K: the rapper? Me: yeah. we connected nelly to anne hatheway K: okay this oughta be interesting Me: nelly was in the longest yard with adam sandler who is in basically any movie with rob schneider... L: who was in the hot chick with rachel mcadams who was in the notebook with ryan gosling... Me: who was in the movie stay with ewan mcgregor, who was in... L: moulin rouge with nicole kidman, who was in that one movie with mathew broderick... Me: who was in the lion king with timon, played by the guy in the birdcage with robin williams who was in A. I. with haley joel osment who was in the sixth sense with bruce willis.... L: who was in over the hedge with steve carrell, who was in get smart with Anne Hatheway!!! *me and L high five then look at K only to find the whole band staring at us (apparently we had gotten a little loud with our story so they all heard us) with completely disbelived looks on thier face* Band kid 1: what on earth was that?! Me: we were trying to connect nelly, band kid 2: the rapper? Me: yes, with anne hatheway through movies Tuba: you guys have way too much time on your hands....
BD to Shadows (who have to carry huge flags for the end of our show): do not, i repeat, DO NOT murder the guard! they're here to make you look good! without them, you look even more terrible than you do now!
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Post by Greenepony on Oct 13, 2008 19:44:59 GMT -5
(tubas playuing sing,sing, sing) Me: They have a moving part? SL: It almost sounds melodic. What was the composer thinking? Me: He wasn't
(as I'm dancing in my seat, humming and doing the motions to "Baby Shark") SL: We should a shark show! Baby Shark, Jaws and... something from Animal Planet!
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trmptgrl90
Band Geek
Sucker for a trumpet player
Posts: 71
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Post by trmptgrl90 on Oct 13, 2008 20:40:48 GMT -5
These are from my BDs last year. We compiled a book of all the ridiculous, stupid, funny things they said throughout the year... it's become something of a tradition.
BD1: "If you’re talking right now, punch yourself in the throat until you don’t breathe anymore. If you think I’m kidding I’ll do it for you."
BD1 (about trumpets practicing falls): There should be some weird sound effects coming from the bedroom.
BD1 (after hearing an attempted high note from clarinets): Who has trumpet envy down there? Was it BD2? BD2: Yeah. BD1: That’s okay. I understand. We’re pretty cool.
Trumpet (After being told he was the reason we're so out of tune): Maybe I’ll go put my trumpet away. I’ll just see you guys… BD1: Maybe you could go get me a coke! BD2: I was gonna comfort you, but… *shrugs*
For one of our Latin songs my trumpet section in our Jazz band brought sombreros to wear, we hid them behind the curtain before rehearsal, and when we played that song whipped them out and put them on... after a good 3 minutes of cracking up this was BD1's response: Anywhere else in the world, if the trumpet section put on sombreros it’d be some sort of gang affiliation.
BD1: I’d like more shape. BD2: Yeah, more backside shape. BD1: ...? BD2: Like more decrescen-- BD1: Are we even talking about the same thing? *puts hand on popped hip*
And one last one: You can't stumble around like a bum with happy juice! (referencing marching around a corner)
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Post by tubachick11 on Oct 13, 2008 23:22:17 GMT -5
I like this one, "DM (on phone): Uh, 8thgradetrumpet needs shoes, and I assumed we have extras. Do we? Me: Not unless she wears a men's 13. DM (after a long pause): Oh." That made me laugh pretty hard. There are some really good ones in here though. We don't have as many cool quotes. Except trombone last year (now French Horn), I walked into a conversation with him and I heard him say he was killing babies....Odd one. We've decided the third movement of our show the show writer was watching tv. We have a set chaped like toothpaste, one shaped like a lightening bolt and several other ones like that. Not really a quote, but ya. Oh, personal fave! Trombone: I AM THE FORM! I'm just feeling Van Gough today! EVERYONE TODAY'S SETS ARE VAN GOUGH! FORGET FORMS! Now we just ask trombone if he's still feeling Van Gough. Another one by him. BD: TROMBONE! GET TO YOUR SPOT! Trom: I am at my spot. BD: No, you're a meter off! Trm: BUT you forgot about my rule about the three meter grey area. BD: Trm: If you're within three meters of your spot you're right. BD then goes intot he horse shoes and hand grenades rant. We were telling Church Norris jokes., and the Drum Line Instruvtor walks in. THose are no good. My favorite one is the one I made up. Chuck Norris will punch you so hard it clones you so you have to watch yourself, in humilaition, get your butt kicked. Our BD is obbsessed with Chuck Norris, so on our last trip a few of our kids went into Wallgreens and bought him folders with Chuck Norris on it. I've never seen BD laugh so hard. I was mad one day. Me: I want to run of BD with a bus. BD walks up behind me and gives me an oh my goodness, SHE'S LOST IT look.
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