Low brass sectionals are fun...
(The end of Danse Bacchanale ends on low F, the one below the staff)
Me: *cracks out low F really loud*
Mr. H. (Sectionals teacher): Whoah, you don't wanna crack your bell do you? That was insane! Play it that loud next time too.
Baritone 1: Yeah, do you want me to do that with you next time?
Baritone 2: EWWW! You guys wanna do it!
Baritone 1: *stops playing*
Me: *gives him a weird look*
(after we finish the song)
Me: why weren't you playing?
Baritone 1: Someone farted! I was choking to death!
Band: *blatantly FAILS at following directions*
Basics instructor: Okay, we're going to do this until we get it right, okay? Mark time for 4, forward 4, lateral slide left 4. Make sure you dress!
Me: Make sure your MOM dresses!
Baritone 3: Oh, oh, make sure your father-in-law dresses!
(During stretching)
Me: *does lunge forward thing*
Me: These shorts are too short for this...
Baritone 4: Oooh, hot! Strut your stuff!
(Later)
Baritone 4: I have a huge wedgie.
Me: *
*
Me: *to myself* Band is not for fat or ugly people.
Baritone 4: *overhears me* Well, I guess that puts ME out of the picture...
Mr. H: Anybody know what tempo we're at now? *holds up ticking metronome*
Baritone 1: *thinks* 104.
Low brass: *stares*
Mr. H: ... you're right.
Baritone 1: Hey, you told us last week that you'd up the tempo by 2 BPM every day - I was just paying attention.
Me: Yes, but last week, we also established that you're schizophrenic...
Baritone 1: The voices in my head told me it's at 104! I SWEAR!
Me: Point proven.
(At parade, there are two separate bands of mixed woodwinds and brass. Trombones are always in the front line.)
Sax instructor: Kelly, you're needed in the back band.
Me: Yay! *goes to left end of front line*
(Later)
Band director: Kelly, you're needed in the front band.
Me: What? *sees section leader walking to back band* Why are you coming back here?
SL: They want you up front.
Me: Oh. Sweet. *goes up front*
Random kid in the front band: *to SL* OOOOH! DEMOTED!
Sax player: Hey, I haven't seen you in forever! You aren't in our section anymore you traitor! It's so depressing...
Me: Hey, don't get me wrong, I miss you guys too...
SP: You're marching sax your senior year, right?
Me: I doubt it. Trombone is fun.
SP: I'm gonna break your trombone; just bend it in half.
Me: Oh yeah? I'll shove it up your a**!
SP: How can you when it's broken?
Me: TRUST ME, I'll find a way!